Thoughts, out loud, that probably should of been left inside my head....

Monday, July 27, 2009

First Picture @ 9.5 weeks

Jeff and I had our first sonogram today. What a surreal experience. Can't believe that something is living and growing inside of me, but very cool! I got misty-eyed at the appointment, particularly when we started hearing the heartbeat. I know everyone says this, but it really did sound like a helicopter. Our baby's heart is beating at an average of 165 beats per minute! That's ridiculous. Anyway, we're thinking about doing the genetics testing (down syndrome, etc.) in a few weeks (the doctor said it had to be between 11-13 weeks) and then we go to the doc again in another 4 weeks for another regular appointment.

Our official due date is: February 25, 2010 (that's Ashley's BDAY and also the Olympics will be on!)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Color Splash

We have a six-year old staying with us this week. Jeff's Aunt Diane, who lives in Austin, is staying with us along with her granddaughter, Nina, while Nina goes to Sea World camp.

To say she's a bundle of energy is a serious understatement - I'm having a hard time keeping up. Though she's well behaved and minds her Grammy when she's corrected. Which is great considering so many kids out there don't.

Anyway, today I had to grab something out of the guest bathroom and when I walked in there, I was immediately shocked by all the color! While I always knew that bathroom was pretty boring, it really hit home today.

It will definitely be amongst the 'redesign' rooms that we will be undertaking over the next 7 months. I think something nice and cheery on the walls, a change of shower curtain and some bold towels will do wonders!

I always considered myself a lover of color - I wear bright pinks, oranges, teal. But, my house so doesn't reflect that, which makes me kind of sad. But, I'll find a happy balance one day, I think.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Exhausting Weekend

I headed to Perdenales Falls State Park for a girls weekend camping trip with my college friends! And man, what an exhausting, but fun filled weekend it was.

On Friday, Girvan picked me and my 800-piece entourage (bag, pillows, food, cooler, etc.) and we strategically squeezed everything into her car. I was pretty proud that it all fit, even if it did look like her car was bursting at the seams.

We were the last ones to arrive around 7:15 pm on Friday night. Ellen and Meghan had already cooled off in the river and Sarah was busy cranking up the pop-up trailer (with assitance from Jason, who was awesome to come and help us set-up. Don't worry, he was paid, even if only in Lone Star beer form). After final assembly, we were all pretty sweaty and cranked the A/C up in the trailer. Even though it took awhile for the place too cool down, I have to say, the A/C was greatly appreciated, particularly in this hot July heat.

Brisket sandwiches, courtesy of Ellen were prepared and followed up by banana boats by Meghan. Then we had the mother of all Phase 10 games - Ellen, whom I'm claiming had beginner's luck, ended up the victor!

Things started winding down around 12:30am and that's when the carbon-monoxide alarm went off. We were all wide-eyed and frantic trying to search for the source of the high pitched beep. Finally, we located it and determined that we had just left the gas tank on. I don't think it was too dangerous, but we aired out the camper just in case. Judging by the volume of the alarm, I don't think we won too many popularity awards from the adjoining campsites.

The next day, we enjoyed some breakfast at camp then took off to take a quick hike down to the 'Falls'. I use that term lightly because, due to a 2-year drought, we can hardly call it falls. But, the rock formations were beautiful anyway. Hiking down wasn't such a problem for me, but going up was another story.

While I'm the first to admit I'm not in prime shape, I knew this trail wouldn't be hard for me to take under normal conditions. But it turns out that pregnant and hiking in close to 100-degree temperatures up even the slightest of slopes, proves difficult. Let's just say, I took many breaks and sucked down plenty of water. We were also going to head down to the swimming hole to take a look at the conditions, until Meghan mentioned something about 99 steps. That's when I said thanks, but no thanks. I don't think I could of survived that.

We headed back to camp just in time for lunch, had some sandwiches and ended up spending most of the day inside the camper trying to keep cool. I would of loved to of gone down to the river and in retrospect should of jumped at the opportunity. Ah well, maybe next time. More Phase 10 games followed until late afternoon.

Around 5pm, things started getting bearable outside thanks to some cloud coverage. We discovered Sarah's pop-up had a canopy and that became an adventure in itself. After pulling the thing out and assembling all the poles, it took us longer than I'd like to admit :) to figure out how to put the thing together. Finally up, we decided to string up some Christmas lights Sarah had brought. No sooner did we put them up then it started rainng and the wind picked up. While we started rearranging our outdoor furniture, a huge gust of wind came flying in and ripped the entire canopy up and scattered the poles and Christmas lights everywhere. It was disheartening to say the least.

But not to be easitly defeated, we regrouped and got the canopy back up in record time. By then we were soaked and sweaty, not a great combination. Off to the showers and back for a great meal of shish-kabobs and rice and beans by Meghan. Delicious!

The mosquitos chased us back inside by 10pm. Then we played a quick game of dominos, in which Girvan kicked all our butts. More Phase 10 and then we crashed out. Sunday morning dawned and we started packing up camp.

I have to say, I'm super proud that we were able to empty the camper, clean up camp and disassemble the pop-up in around one hours time. We even successfully backed up the truck and attached the camper with minimum effort (go team!).

Back to Sarah's to switch cars and an easy ride back to San Antonio. Needless to say, I took a much needed shower and nap when I got back.

All-in-all a great weekend, but we missed just one ingredient: Carilee!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Gone Campin'

Yahoo! A summer outing - can't wait. Girls trip, though we'll miss Carilee! :( Taking my camera, so in case there's anything interesting, I'll post! Hope ya'll have a great weekend!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Unexpected Expectations

I am a control freak - it's hardly a secret. Suffering from un-diagnosed OCD, I try to plan every minute detail of my life down to a T. While many have warned me that this can hardly be healthy, nor will it work, I've tried to defy their warnings and defeat the odds.

But this year has been a harsh reality check - an intangible slap in the face, if you will. For one, my career, in which I thought I had a solid grasp on, slithered and slipped between my fingers back in January. A blow to my ego and self-esteem, it's been the hardest factor to regain control over, and something I've failed to manage still. Though many tell you that it wasn't personal, and that it had nothing to do with you, you always have a nagging question in the back of your mind that you will constantly battle to suffocate as it tries to wriggle it's way to the forefront of your mind.

And though you may suggest that I repeat Stuart Smalley's chant of "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Dog Gone It, People Like Me", that can only last for so long while results fail to reveal themselves. And to add to the list of things I can't control, another unexpected expectation has come to fruition.

Finally settled in a house, both of us in what seemed-like solid careers and what we considered as finacially stable as we had ever been (and oh, by they way, the big 3-0 was not that far off), Jeff and I decided in April 2008 that after 10 years of knowing each other and almost 3 years of actual marriage that it was time to start a family. With no known issues in my family, we were expecting fast results. To say the least, it's hardly what we got.

After the big L.O., we decided to continue to try. Afterall, we'd hardly been 'successful' up to this point and we probably wouldn't get pregnant by the time I found a job. Who knew I'd still be unemployed by mid-July (please note, I have no regrets on my decision to not continue a certain j.o.b.).

So, understand my surprise when, after 14 consecutive months, someone forgot to come for her monthly visit and suspicions started to rise that she might have gotten lost or abducted. My initial reaction was nothing but excitement and joy, because finally, FINALLY we got a positive test! I expect that some of you can't relate. But if you took a test as many times in the past as I had, you'd understand the feeling.

Though, after a weekend in which we both celebrated the news, an interesting reality set in. I'm unemployed...and pregnant. Hardly the most ideal situation. Then panic..."Who's going to hire a pregnant woman?!?". Then the moral dilemma... "Should I tell a future employer that I'm pregnant?" Then sanity... "Just calm down, somehow, someway, things will work out." And don't forget to insert at least a gallon of tears in between each emotion.

Thoughts of throttling each and every person that has ever told me "You'll never be completely ready to start a family" started dancing in my head.

However, panic seems to be a very strong foe to fight against and sanity, while strong in itself, seems to be putting in double the effort to win this war. And did I mention that I suffer from undiagnosed OCD? You can see the issues I've been facing. Now, multiply your typical woman hormones by 100 and you'll see a clearer picture.

Know this. Jeff and I are very excited that we are pregnant! We are still early on (only 7-7.5 weeks at this point) and are holding our breaths till the golden 12 week mark. I have a doctor's appointment in 2 weeks, and should know more then.

What to look forward to? Crazy pregnancy rants. Jeff may leave me if these hormones have their say. Hormonal blog postings (similar to this one). And complaints. Cause, as I told Jeff, judging by the symptoms I've experienced thus far, I hardly think I will take this whole thing gracefully. It's just how I am.

This blog post was written and directed by Colleen's Hormones.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Not So Exciting Summer .... So Far

This summer I wanted to have fun. I had planned to get into awesome shape, in which I FAILed miserably. I had planned to go tubing at least twice by the beginning of July: FAIL. I wanted to go camping with just Jeff and I in June: FAIL. I wanted to catch a tan and keep the tan all through the summer: FAIL. And, I wanted to take an awesome vacation, in which I also FAILed.

I think the whole no-job business has kept me from doing a lot of activities. Although we still like to have fun, I have put us on a pretty tight budget as I would like to pay off these pesky student loans sometime in the near future. And let's not forget that I'd like to remain a homeowner.

I am however going on an all-girls camping trip in two weeks with a bunch of friends from college. So, I"m desperately looking forward to that probably more so than all the other girls! It's a chance to 'go away' without spending too much time or money and in good company (except for Carilee will be missing :( )

But, I am remaining positive about the rest of the summer... it's not even half over with! There's still plenty of time and I'm going to try to make the most of it!

Random fact for today? I ate almost an entire lb of strawberries.... is that bad?

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Le Tour de France 2009

Jeff and I started off the morning with some pancakes and watched the Wimbledon women's championship match between Serena and Venus Williams. Then we both realized that today started off the TOUR DE FRANCE! Something we both love to watch every year. So we turned our cable to the Versus channel just in time to watch Lance Armstrong start his time trial. For someone who retired from the world of competitive cycling in 2005, he did awesome. Of course he's been training and competing all year, but for a man who is 4 years older then he was last time he competed, I'd say he did awesome.

Today the riders started out in Monaco (you know, where Grace Kelly was the Princess) and briefly rode into France, then back into Monaco. A time trial as mentioned above, but 20 minutes of pure hard cycling.

I'm excited to watch the rest of the race over the next three weeks. Not only is it exciting to see these cyclists in action, but the scenery is just gorgeous. Too bad the French are already showing there true sportsmanship, as they've already been heard booing Lance Armstrong at the beginning of the race.

GO LANCE and team Astana!


Happy July 4th, Everyone! Independence Day for us Americans where we give thanks and celebrate our nations history, even if it's not as long compared to the rest of the world. We are headed over to my Aunt's house for her annual shin dig that she's put on for 30+ years. Hope you have a great one!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Yes, I Have Gone Crazy

On Sunday afternoon, I broke the news on my Facebook and Twitter pages that I was starting my new job as a Communications Coordinator for a credit union here in San Antonio. Well, I did start the job on Monday and pretty much came home in tears. Tuesday was slightly better but something was still nagging at the back of my mind. Today was no good.

It's hard to explain to rationale people (and I would of considered myself amongst the 'rationale people' last week) that I just knew this was not going to work. However, I know I've completely gone off the deep end here, but I refuse to regret a decision I knew was the right thing to make.

I have decided not continue with this position. For once, I am standing by my choice and that's all you need know. I am planning to continue contract work out of my house until I can find another full time position.
What I will tell you, however, is that I have the most awesome, loving and supportive husband in this world! He is fantastic and has been a total rock (as always).