Thoughts, out loud, that probably should of been left inside my head....

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Self analysis

Self analysis; reorganizing my efforts.

I hate self analysis. It makes any and all "decisions" I've somewhat, kind-a-sorta, to-a-certain-degree made in the past few weeks seem futile and meaningless. It makes you re-evaluate your "wants" in life and it makes your emotions war between themselves to the point of insanity.

For the second time this week, I spent my lunch hour browsing the many rows of Borders bookstore, one of my favorite "work week retreats". For some reason, I always end up either directly in front of the travel magazine section with, at minimum, 3 magazines picked out and in hand or in front of the travel book section, which leads to me calculating my checking account to see how I can squeeze out the funds for a quick vacation to Europe. I start fantasizing trips to South America, Africa, Europe and Asia and how my "cubicle" would be decorated when I finally got my dream job working for Frommer's. I ALWAYS see the eiffel tower book ends, a beautiful gemstone globe somewhere perched high, a map of the world behind me that has several pins marking my adventures, and of course picture frames full of my snaps from around the world.

Then reality starts to dawn or rather self-doubt. How can I make this possible? I work in insurance for pity's sake and I'm 6 weeks from self-made-unemployment, unless of course I can score another "realistic" job. By realistic, I mean "able to pay the bills" job.

I've been saying since I returned from Belize that I should write up an article about our trip. Have I followed through? Of course not. Why? Afraid to fail, I guess. But, as the old adage goes, "If at first you don't succeed. Try, try again." I'm afraid to promise it, but maybe I'll sit down this weekend and see what my mind can spew out.

Please note: By no means is this a pity post, but rather a reminder of what I should reach for.

For family members, I've been wanting to get this book for quite some time now, but have yet to dish out the $18.95. Just keep it on the Christmas/Birthday list:

1,000 Places To See Before You Die
- Schultz, Patricia

My awesome Mother-in-law gave this to me! Thanks, Debbie!


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